Grief and loss: when someone is missing but love remains

How do you deal with the loss of someone who is incredibly important to you?

Perhaps you have lost a loved one through death and long to be able to ask or say something again. Perhaps you are grieving someone who is still alive but with whom the contact has been severed. Or perhaps you have had to say goodbye to a friendship, relationship, or family bond that was an important part of your life for many years.

Grief and loss come in many forms. And not all sadness is visible to the outside world.

In this blog, I take you through the different ways people experience grief and loss. I also share a special experience from my practice, in which a woman came to me shortly after the death of her both parents. She had so many questions and intensely longed for a sense of connection with them. During our session, she experienced personal moments of recognition that deeply touched her and brought her much comfort.

Her story shows how much meaning it can have for someone when, during a period of intense grief, there is space for personal attention, recognition, and connection.

Grief processing: grief has no fixed time

When someone passes away, sometimes more changes occur than you could have foreseen. You miss a voice, a touch, a familiar gaze, or a daily conversation. Perhaps you miss the naturalness with which someone was a part of your life.

And sometimes it’s the small moments that hurt the most.

A birthday.
A song.
A gift.
A scent.
A photo.
Or something that you are going through and actually want to tell that person right away.

Grief cannot be planned. There is no fixed order in which you should process your grief. There is also no moment when you should be able to say that you have overcome it.

Grief processing does not mean that you have to forget someone or that sadness has to disappear completely.

It could also mean that you slowly find a different way to cope with the loss. Some days it goes easier than others. And that is very human.

Sometimes you grieve for much more than just the person

After a death, you can also feel grief about everything that will no longer be there.

The conversations you still wanted to have.
The warm hugs that you gave each other.
The plans that you had made.
The words that have never been spoken.
Or the questions to which you may never get an answer again.

Sometimes there is anger alongside sadness; guilt, disappointment, or relief. Not every relationship was easy. You can love someone and at the same time have painful memories of that person. That too can be part of grief.

You don't have to make your feelings any more beautiful, simple, or understandable than they are.

A special experience from my practice

Some time ago, I received Inzicht & Harmonie a woman in my practice who had lost both her parents shortly after each other. About three months after their deaths, she contacted me. She had searched online for a fortune-teller or medium in the South Holland region and had ended up at my practice via Google Reviews.

After reading the experiences of other clients and information about my working methods She decided to make an appointment for a telephone intake interview. During this conversation, we briefly got acquainted with each other. We discussed in broad terms the topics she would like to discuss. I also helped her prepare and formulate her questions. After that, she decided to book a personal session in my practice.

During our meeting, she told me how sad and distraught she felt. She missed her parents dearly. There were so many questions she still wanted to ask them. Above all, she longed for the opportunity to experience some form of contact with them again.

I asked her who she wanted to contact first. She chose her mother.

The contact with her mother

Through channeling, I energetically aligned myself with her mother. Almost immediately, I experienced a particularly strong presence.

My client would like to know how her mother had experienced her death, how she was doing now and whether she still felt connected to her family. During the follow-up, I received messages from her mother indicating that she was feeling well and still closely involved with her children and grandchildren.

I also got a strong impression that her mother had already received the news that her daughter had made an appointment with me. During the channeling, it felt as if she was eager to communicate with her daughter. For me, this explained why I felt her presence so strongly from the very first moment.

Then something very specific came to light. I received information about her grandson, the son of my client, and an event that he had experienced with a friend. This event had occurred six weeks after his grandmother’s death. During the channeling, I received detailed information about what had happened.

My client recognized certain parts immediately, but did not know all the details. The recognition hit her so deeply that she burst into tears. For her, this felt like a particularly personal confirmation of the connection she had so longed for.

After our session, she decided to ask her son for the additional information. Later, I received a WhatsApp message from her in which she told me that her son had confirmed the details that had emerged during the channeling. That made this experience even more valuable for her.

Subsequently, during the session, I also received a particularly beautiful and loving message from her mother. Information emerged regarding her own relationship as well, which she recognized strongly.

Slowly, I could see and feel my client becoming calmer. Not because her grief had disappeared, but because alongside the loss she experienced a sense of connection. We took some time to let everything settle down calmly.

Contact with her father

Afterwards, my client wanted to pay attention to her father. She also had questions about his death and how he was feeling now. During the channeling, I experienced that he preferred not to talk about the death itself, but rather wanted to tell how he was feeling now. I received a message in which he indicated that he felt liberated and wanted to continue to support his daughter.

Then a particularly personal detail emerged. My client had set up a special spot at home with photos of her deceased parents. There she would often pause to talk to them. Without her having told me about it, this very spot came to light during the adjustment process. According to the message I received, her father was pleased with the love and attention with which her daughter kept the memory of her parents alive.

He also showed me two activities that had been important to him during his life: hiking and woodcarving. During the channeling, he indicated that he still practiced these hobbies and was involved with them. He encouraged his daughter to continue talking to him in her own way and to keep him involved in her life. For my client, this was particularly moving.

Later, during the channeling, a personal topic related to her health also came up that she had not shared with me beforehand. She also recognized something important in this matter.

In my work, I always remain careful in this regard. An intuitive perception of health is not a medical diagnosis and never replaces the advice or examination of a doctor. For my client, what was particularly valuable was the recognition of the subject matter and the emotional meaning of the message received.

The sadness remained, but peace came

During the session, many tears flowed. Tears of grief, astonishment, recognition, and ultimately also relief.

At the end, my client told me how grateful she was for what she had experienced. She felt significantly more at peace. For her, the session had given a new meaning to the loss of her parents.

The loss had not disappeared. Her parents were still deceased. But alongside the grief, she now also felt comfort and connection.

That touched me. After more than 37 years as a clairvoyant, I still meet people for whom a personal experience of recognition can mean a great deal. Not because that resolves all the pain. But because sometimes something changes in the way which allows someone to continue living with that sadness.

Contacting the deceased: if you have any further questions or comments

Some people experience a strong need after a death to ask for, tell about, or understand something more.

Maybe you wanted to say how much you loved someone.
Perhaps there was disagreement that was never expressed.
Perhaps you wonder if your loved one knows what you are going through, how you are coping with the loss, and if there is any message or advice for you.
Perhaps the farewell came unexpectedly.
Or maybe you just want to know how things are going with that person according to your personal beliefs.

Within my work as a born clairvoyant and medium, I offer the opportunity to explore through channeling whether I am myself. can adjust to a deceased loved one. Sometimes during such a session I experience personal information, impressions or messages that the client recognizes.

I find it important to approach this matter honestly and carefully. I can never guarantee that a particular person will get through, that a specific question will be answered, or that recognizable details will emerge. A session cannot be forced or pre-determined. What presents itself must be accepted at that moment. When I do not perceive something clearly, I say so honestly. I never fill in an answer or message myself.

A personal experience of contact or recognition can have a great emotional impact. At the same time, such an experience in itself does not constitute scientifically established evidence of communication with the deceased.

In the past I have also been tested for telepathy. Additionally, during my work I have experienced that I received information that a client did not know at the time and that I could later ask about from another person or entity. According to the feedback I received about this, such specific details turned out to be correct. For me, these are extraordinary experiences. At the same time, I cannot scientifically determine how such observations come about exactly.

Each client determines for themselves the meaning the experience has for them. For some people, such a conversation is a valuable addition to the way they deal with their loss. For others, it doesn’t fit at all. Both are good.

Grieving about someone who is still alive

There is also a form of grief that is less often discussed: the grief over someone who is still alive but no longer accessible.

In my practice, clients often tell me how difficult this form of loss can be. Some even say that they find it more difficult at certain times than grief after a death. Not because one kind of grief is greater or more important than the other, but because loss through broken contact often has no clear end point.

Perhaps it’s about your father or mother, your son or daughter, a brother or sister, an ex-partner, or a dear friend or friend.

The other person is still alive. Maybe that person even lives nearby. Maybe you still see messages or photos through social media. You could happen to run into each other. You know that the person is living their life somewhere. And yet there is no contact.

Someone can be very close and at the same time feel completely inaccessible.

That can be particularly painful.

When hope of recovery remains

In the event of death, however sad the situation may be, there is a definitive reality: the person is no longer physically present. Some people experience that clarity can give a certain sense of peace over time. When contact with a loved one who is alive has been severed, that clarity may be lacking.

Maybe you keep hoping that the other person will ever call.
That a conversation will still take place.
That a misunderstanding is resolved.
Or that you'll ever sit down together again.

That hope can provide support, but it can also cause a lot of inner turmoil. You want to move on with your life, while part of you continues to wait. That can be a very lonely experience.

This form of grief also deserves understanding and attention.

The sadness of a lost friendship

Not every significant loss is related to family or a romantic relationship. The loss of a close friendship can also be deeply traumatic.

A good friend can be one of the most important people in your life for years. Someone who knows your history. Someone you have laughed with and cried with. Someone who was there during difficult times. And someone you could be yourself with.

When such a friendship ends, a great void can arise. Sometimes due to conflict, sometimes because lives grow apart, and sometimes because someone unexpectedly withdraws. The outside world does not always understand how much grief that can cause.

But a valuable connection is not less important because there was no family bond or romantic relationship. You can deeply grieve the loss of a friendship. And that grief should be taken seriously.

Grief within the family: when the connection disappears

Even broken family contact can bring a lot of grief. Just because family can be so strongly connected to your childhood, your history, and your sense of connection.

Perhaps there has been tension for years. Perhaps something happened that was never properly expressed. Perhaps you had to distance yourself because the relationship wasn’t good for you. Or maybe the other person decided they no longer wanted to be in contact.

Parental rejection, grandparental rejection, and prolonged separation between family members can also cause deep feelings of loss. Sometimes, you can reason out why distance is necessary, while you still miss someone emotionally. Those feelings can coexist.

You can love someone and at the same time need boundaries.
You can miss someone without wanting to go back to how it used to be.
And you can be sad about a relationship that may never recover.

There need not be any judgment about that.

Through an individual energetic family or relationship constellation Together with you, I can look at the interrelationships, feelings, and patterns that may be playing a role. This can help you to view your situation from a different perspective and gain a better understanding of your own position, needs, and boundaries.

Can you also reach out to a loved one who is still alive?

In addition to my work with contact with the deceased, within my approach I can also energetically align myself with someone who is still alive but with whom the contact has been broken. This can, for example, be a family member, a former partner, or a good friend or girlfriend.

Through channeling, I look at what I am experiencing around the person, the interconnectedness, and the situation that concerns you. This may also include attention to feelings, recurring patterns, and your own needs.

I find it important to make it clear that I cannot determine with certainty what another person is thinking or feeling. Nor can I promise that the contact will be restored. An energetic alignment does not replace a direct conversation and does not mean that another person’s boundaries must be crossed.

What such a session can mean for you is the opportunity to look at a difficult situation from a different perspective. Sometimes there is more understanding. Sometimes there is recognition. And sometimes it especially helps to get closer to your own feelings and boundaries.

What if you had wanted to say something else?

One of the hardest aspects of loss is that words have remained unspoken.

Maybe you wanted to say something else.
Maybe you wanted to apologize.
Maybe you wanted to say how much pain someone has caused you.
Or maybe you just wanted to have one more conversation.

This can happen after a death, but also when someone is still alive and not reachable.

Sometimes it helps to give those words some space. By writing them down, speaking them out loud, sharing them with someone you trust, or by calmly reflecting on them during a personal session.

Not everything needs to be resolved immediately. Sometimes simply speaking out about something you have been carrying with you for a long time can be valuable in itself.

When grief doesn't seem to get any less

Some people are startled when grief remains present months or years later. They wonder why they are not moving on. Or they feel pressure from their surroundings to put the loss behind them.

But grief has no fixed end date.

You can miss someone and at the same time experience happiness again.
You can laugh and still be sad.
You can continue without forgetting anyone.
And you can cherish a lost relationship without the need to re-establish that connection.

When grief becomes so severe that your daily functioning is seriously hampered, guidance from a qualified psychologist or grief therapist can be important. You don’t have to wait until the grief becomes unbearable to seek help.

How I can help you with grief and loss

In my practice, I meet people who have lost a loved one, but also people who carry grief over broken relationships, family ties, and friendships. Sometimes they come with a clear question. Sometimes they mostly know that they miss someone and find it difficult to find peace in that.

In a personal session, there is room for your story. I listen, ask questions, and, through my intuitive approach, I join you in exploring what concerns you. If you wish, we can also explore whether a channeling around a deceased or still living loved one is appropriate for your question.

I am honest about what I experience and what does not come across clearly. I do not force any messages and I do not promise any contact or a certain outcome. My guidance is not grief therapy and does not replace psychological or medical care.

What I do want to offer you is a calm, warm, and confidential conversation in which you can talk without judgment about what’s going on in your life.

You don't have to suppress your sadness.
You don't have to pretend to be stronger than you feel.
And you don't even have to know exactly what you want to ask.

Sometimes it's not the lack that changes, but the way you carry it

When I think back to the woman who lost both her parents, what strikes me most is how she reacted at the end of our session. Her grief was still there. But she said that she felt calmer and that the personal connections and messages she had received had given her comfort. For her, the connection with her parents felt less distant at that moment. That experience had a lot of meaning for her.

And that is what repeatedly touches me in my work. Not that the sadness simply disappears. But that someone sometimes experiences some space to breathe, cherish memories, and continue living with the loss.

Everyone does it in their own way. There is no right way to grieve.

Would you like to share your story in a calm way?

Perhaps you have lost someone through death. Perhaps you are grieving someone who is still alive. Perhaps an important friendship has disappeared or you are grieving the loss of family contact that has been severed. Or perhaps there is still something inside you that you have never been able to express.

You don't have to come to me with a fully developed story. If you feel that you want to calmly discuss your situation, you are very welcome.

A first step is a telephone intake interview up to 15 minutes. The current fee for this service can be found on my website. We will briefly get acquainted, discuss your question in broad terms, and see if my way of working suits you. After the intake interview, you decide for yourself whether you want to book a session.

You can send me a message for this via WhatsApp, Signal or email. My practice is Inzicht & Harmonie located in Capelle aan den IJssel, near Rotterdam. Sessions are available in the practice, by phone and online, also for clients who live further away.

Maybe your story starts with:

I miss someone.
Or: there is so much left open.

You are welcome to contact me about that too.

Warm regards,
Leila Amaryllis de Vries
Praktijk Inzicht & Harmonie